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Subject: Two Nuns
Sister Mary Catherine and Sister Mary Elizabeth are walking through the park when they are jumped by two thugs. Their habits are ripped from them and the men begin to sexually assault them.
Sister Mary Catherine casts her eyes heavenward and cries, "Forgive him Lord, for he knows not what he is doing!"
Mary Elizabeth turns and says, "Mine does..."
Subject: Ten . . . to Live
A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward the doctor comes out with the results.
"I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left."
"Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "How long have I got?"
"Ten," the doctor says sadly.
"Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?"
Subject: The Mermaid
On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons. Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto to the pasture, she saw that the family's only cow was lying dead in the field. The situation looked hopeless to her -- how could she possibly continue to feed her family now? In a depressed state of mind, she hung herself.
When the man awoke to find his wife dead, as well as the cow, he too began to see the hopelessness of the situation, and he shot himself in the head.
Now the oldest son woke up to discover his parents dead (and the cow!) and he decided to go down to the river and drown himself. When he got to the river, he discovered a mermaid sitting on the bank. She said, "I've seen all and know the reason for your despair. But if you will have sex with me five times in a row, I will restore your parents and the cow to you." The son agreed to try, but after four times, he was simply unable to satisfy her again. So the mermaid drowned him in the river.
Next the second oldest son woke up. After discovering what had happened, he too decided to throw himself into the river. The mermaid said to him, "If you will have sex with me ten times in a row, I will make everything right." And while the son tried his best (seven times!), it was not enough to satisfy the mermaid, so she drowned him in the river.
The youngest son woke up and saw his parents dead, the dead cow in the field, and his brothers gone. He decided that life was a hopeless prospect, and he went down to the river to throw himself in. And there he also met the mermaid. "I have seen all that has happened, and I can make everything right if you will only have sex with me fifteen times in a row." The young son replied, "Is that all? Why not twenty times in a row?" The mermaid was somewhat taken aback by this request. Then he said, "Hell, why not twenty-five times in a row?" And even as she was reluctantly agreeing to his request, he said, "Why not THIRTY times in a row?" Finally, she said, "Enough!! Okay, if you will have sex with me thirty times in a row, then I will bring everybody back to perfect health.
Then the young son asked, "Wait! How do I know that thirty times in a row won't kill you like it did the cow?"
Subject: Chikin Wire
An old man is sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise when he sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm.
"Hay boy whatcha got there?" he shouts. "A roll of chikin wire," the boy yells back. "Whatcha gonna do with that?" the old man asks. "Catch some chikins," says the boy. "You fool," says the old man. "You cain't catch chikin's with chikin wire." The boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That evening the boy comes walking by and, to the man's surprise, he's dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.
The same time next morning the old man's out watching the sun rise when he sees the boy walk by carrying something else. "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" he shouts. "Roll of duck tape," the boy yells back."Whatcha gonna do with that?" the old man asks. "Catch me some ducks," says the boy. "You fool" says the old man. "You cain't catch ducks with duck tape." The boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That evening the boy comes walking by and, to the old man's surprise, he's trailing behind him the unrolled tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.
The same time the next morning the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end. "Hay boy, whatcha got there?" he shouts. "Pussy willow," the boy yells back. "Hold on," says the old man, "I'll get my hat."